fact

unconditional love comes in the form of wet pink noses with black freckles, warm bellies with soft peach fuzz, tight curlettes on miniature heads, and almond black eyes void of any judgement.

its cold outside

a notable downfall: giving into and believing what other people tell me. what do they know anyway? I have an inevitable draw towards all things old, all things broken down, used, abused (in some ways). Character sings from its cracks, strength shines from its rusted edges. It remains beautiful despite hardships it may meet along its journey.

questions.

where am i going? where will i end up? 

only a girl

sunday mornings tend to be quite lax, no one is ever home and i find myself lonely especially out here in san francisco. this morning, i burst into tears for no apparent reason, and the tears kept coming. all i really wanted was a hug...and it just sucks not to have the comfort of someones embrace readily available. anyways,  i just needed to get out of the house, i saw the ocean from my window so decided to take a drive down and just sit and ponder. I brought my journal, blasted fiona apple loudly on the way  (tears still rushing down my cheeks) "its calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion" and sat down at the beach for a good hour or so. 

shitty as i looked, blood shot eyes from crying, grungy hair still smelling of cigarette smoke and last night's dingy downtown bars, i managed to drag my butt down to the SF State track. now, this is my litle secret, i go here to workout and get away from feeling like a gerbal in a cage in the usual gym scenario. I like to breathe in the fresh eucalyptus trees, crisp ocean air, and just be by myself... I listened to more feminist movement artists (a la fiona apple, cat power, tori, and the like). I brought my polariod camera along, and just took peaceful pictures down by the track...I want to start putting them together in an album/ portfolio and entitle them "seullement" which means only in french. it is "only" me. and alone as i may be all the time, i guess there is something awfully beautiful that can arise in these feelings of solitude. Its just realizing how to channel this energy into something creative rather than detrimental.

I treated myself to a hot chocolate and sat and read my book at the cafe. Im reading Michael Pollan's "The Omnivores Dillemma" and its horrifying to delve further into the underground practices of industrialized food production from the beginnings to the end where it ends up pretty packaged and all on our store's shelves. Tomorrow, Im going to make myself a nice, warm lentil soup, with garlic, tomatoes, and all sorts of beans and legumes, a vegetarian delight.

The point I want to tell myself in a day like today is just to keep on truckin, turn something bad into something good...at 6:30, Im in much greater spirits than I was at 10 this morning. And Im happy to say that I did get through it alone...reliance and dependency (on others) is a terrible thing, and i never want to be there, ever.

And I keep on keeping on....

colorama

there are quite a few things that simply make me happy by just being in the midst of them...the warmth sun, low humming voices on the radio, fresh pots o coffee, and COLOR (bright, ecstatic lively bursting unapologetic color). when i drive through streets of san francisco and see houses of odd color concoctions, it makes me go yeah! that person is amazing. I cant wait until the day I have my own house to decorate in all types of color. fuck neutrals, give me color!

emotional

im having a hard time remaining on a continuous notion. I get ecstatic with inspiration or desire, or have a long time going on a cloud nine, but something always seems to make it crash, and im back at square one. i know i have control over this, but i have a downfall of always letting my emotions get the best of me...

on another note, its fall time in san francisco. a crisp fresh air decked with rusting leaves. and i thought california was void of seasons. obama fever has taken light of the city, and i was blessed to be in the midst of a "riot" taking place down on mission the other night to witness the true joy that has come of the defeat.

where to go from here, i say...

forward only

i seek great pleasure

i seek pleasure in small things: like re-organizing my bookcases with beautiful books, and kitschy buddha statues, and painting chairs I find street-abandoned with funky colors and mood setting tendencies.

I start books ten at a time, and although I dream of their endings I have a hard time finishing them. I often wonder if there is anyone else like me out there.

probably not.

i've tickled my fancy

I believe that everyone has a universal need to belong, and where one feels "in" with "it", if it could be more simply put, depends on your own personal experience. Where I settle and belong, I shall remain....its just the question of getting there.

This weekend, I accompanied my dear friend Amber up to Southern Orgeon after she so spontaneously asked me a few days before if I would be interested in going. Without question I agreed (as I enjoy tickling my adventurous spirit), and before long we were putting on up the lonely and open roads of Highway 5.

Oregon, man...is it something else. I romantically find myself in love with the place, as it remains in many places untouched, and unbothered, its character secured deep within its lush green forests. The place; slowed to more of a graze or shmoozing appeal was in fact the most noticeable trait in Ashland. Everyone just walks around in an enjoyable state of being, no rushing here or there, no loud booms or need to be heard seen touch felt noticed etc. No pompous dicks or arrogant bastards, thank you jesus.

the best part; we shacked up in a land sprawled home with a farm fit for a king! Dan had live chickens, a vineyard, apple orchards, and every imagineable vegtable growing in abundance from the ground. I was in heaven. I have soon to go back, hopefully for a ski trip when the mountains are blanketed under fresh powder. And for a fresh breath of air to say the least.

twas a beautiful day in the neighborhood

days like this in san francisco...(that is)

without the gloomy dismal grey floating above...

makes me quite happy living here

splendid.

sometimes

Sometimes

I feel like this. Do no look at me, I do not exist. I do not want to face the world today, and deal with...anything. I do not like you, I do not like what you stand for. You suck, and I want nothing to do with you.

back and forth

the cyclical journey that i refer to as school has begun its path yet again. to alleviate the typicalities of sitting in too small of seats, note-taking, memorization of useless facts and the like..I've added a rather exciting addition this semester; that being Photojournalism. With a new Canon Rebel in tow and a knack for discovering this crazy city I dwell in, I'm thinking this semester will be one huge visual orgasm.

My professor, an interesting breed: a beefy "surfer dude" who works for the Contra Costa Times has the breezy, easy going appeal that brings extra room for creativity and isn't so caught up in the formalities. (phew!) Just what I do not need, is another teacher stuck in these pre-formatted molds. 

So great!... picture taking, story telling, moseying about the streets of San Francisco shooting through the lens; the path of my existance.

candy

I recently stumbled across a tragic tale of love, obsession, and tragedy in an unlikely bottom shelf locale in the video store entitled Candy. The movie stars Heath Ledger circa 2005, who plays an absolutely phenomenal lover, drug addict bohemian lifestyled boyfriend opposite Abbie Cornish. The two become meddled within a love triangle involving heroin, and whilst Candy paints beautiful paintings , one entitled "an afternoon of extravegant delight," the heroin soon becomes her first and only priority.The movie is beautifully shot, I mean...it captures the bohemian lifestyle that all quarterlifes yearn for; a passionate love, an artsy calling, an unescapable addiction...its good. watch it!

golden legos

And today beams a memory of all things lovely in the strange world of sarah. Its quite strange how paths and frames of mind change within each bounty of each day; odd odd odd illusions. odd things are lovely. it adds character. it puts hair on a mans chest. and there aint nothing sexier than that. amen, sistah jane. so a random notion and frame of mind; I just bought these really funky stickers; "war is not healthy for children and other living things" and i slapped them all the hell over the place; on the car, the computer, even the stall at school where i like to pee; you know..the one with all the cool, witty comments that are fun to read. I always make sure to go in the third stall down; yes, that one bitch, and oh! yet another witty remark in black sharpee. I always want to write this one phrase down; yet Id find it rather odd to be sitting, peeing, and vandalizing school property, so Ive decided to just be an observer of such. anyways, i stuck a sticker in that stall, and it adds color to the other what dim surroundingd. amen brotha jonah!

peace and love...
(read on)
???



today today today today! marvelous things await
(i love the word marvelous; its underused but oh so



the blue skies beam so bright; hitting the eye with a pulsing fiery effect
The houses under the golden san francisco light glisten and glow; the pinks distinct from the peaches distinct from the creams, but all alligned so beautifully ontop the rolling hills. At night these same hills are flushed with distinct rows of lights lights all blinking and glowing and trinkling and dinging and forcing their presensce against the black lit sky.
Houses...forming...patterns up and down streets like Legos with bright, egocentric colors stacked..one on top of the other; a child's most creative masterpiece. A plethora of Victorian windows with decadent vintage ironwork, giving each house its own distinct personality and sharing its life in tune with the ebb and flow of each month's moon.
And, most wonderful of all; that time of day when the sun begins to glisten in gold, and oranges and pinks and all other bizarre and unlikely colors. And I sit there atop the terrace or maybe in the living room sipping a cup of pure afternoon delight and every building on the street glistens in warmth.

black shiny multitudes

"...and how boring each was. Compared to the experience of the...infinite...and a life in which the subject is not scholastic or bureucratic but...Me and Us; the attuned ones amid the non-musical, shiny black shoe multitudes. I with my eyes on that almost invisible hole up there in the r-r-r-edwood sky...


from: The Electric Acid Koolaid Test
by Tom Wolfe

rice and beans

Truly beautiful. (Mostly) untouched. One big lush, decadent rainforest. Birds with equisite and blinding color, wildlife with infinite abundance flooding the tops of the trees, beaches of white sand and the warmest of waters. equisite. the people..they live simple lives, no frills, nothing fancy...and their lack thereof has no effect on them whatsoever. they are just....content...with..what they have...their life of simplicity...and their smiles, oh, their lovely smiles beaming a brilliant white against the dark chocolate tone of their skin. its lovely! It is nothing short of a heavenly paradise. If there's one place ive been thus far in which I would like to go back time and time again, it is costa rica.

collision

when will our worlds collide? Not collide in the sense of a quiet stroll in the park...but in the form of total explosive, undeniable, multifaceted chaos.

Blinding lights, screeching sirens, dizzy spells; a form of passion the senses
have lusted for their whole lives.
Exposed to your divine beauty, day and night with be an undefineable continum
...for i will lose track of time all together

Blind to all other elements, your eyes will be my center of gravity.
Your words will be put to life by that deep hum you so graciously protrude will halt
the maladies of even the worst days.
you are the one, but where are you?

to whom it may

to whom it may concern. in an effort to break away from any structure that surrounds me, please....i ask of you....drop me in the midst of this non-industrialized behavior, please.

....and,
thank
you

life in italy